The new start isn't the fun I thought it'd be. It's just not.

Seperated from my friends, seperated from everyone. Is that what I must endure in the next few years? A few days already drives me insane, a few weeks I could deal with, but a few years?

I hope I can get through that without throwing nasty tantrums, which is usually thanks to my sometimes uncontrollable short-temper.

I don't like this feeeelingg.. This feeling that I'm isolated from everyone.

And when I finally see you, I feel so happy I don't really know how to express it. And once I'm physically close, I can't bear to part again. Your body always feels so warm and comfortable... who could resist? I like getting long hugs and kisses. I like being close to you. I like hearing your voice. I like smelling your body wash on you. I like seeing you. I like.. I like everything about you.

And it's driving me craaazzyy when I'm not with you. >__<

bb bb bb! You drive me crazy you know! I may be annoying... but I seriously think I was made to annoy you. I can't help it. The first thing I do after knowing something is spill it right to you. I've basically poured all my thoughts in front of you, and that, mylogong, is a verrrryyy hard habit to break. Probably harder than walking properly or .... or whatever else I do that's a bad habit!! >_______________<"

wo ai niii ahb<3 ehehehe XD tehetehe

--ahc.♥

Tomorrow's the day.

She's coming back. I don't want her to. Although I miss her, I just don't believe I will be able to handle it. They've been away for so long.

Everything has been the same over here. It's like a typical vacation. They leave, we stay. Their things remain untouched. We clean up the last they've used, keeping it clean for until they come back. But now only half the items will be used again.

He's gone, and even though I know, even though I can't do anything about it, I can't help but to hold on. I can't let go of the fact that he isn't walking about in his healthy form. He's not awake on the other side of the world. He's gone.

I will never see him again.

It's been hard. Ever since we recieved news that his condition was worsening, we were always on alert, scared for any phone calls - each time it rings, we were afraid it would be the one to tell us the devastating news.

I was sleeping when he passed. He was calling my name. And I wasn't there. February 8th, 2009.

I cried, of course. That's the normal average reaction. I got over it. I stopped crying. But it wasn't long until it would start again. Every mention of it, every vivid thought of his facial features, every sight of his trench coat, his hat, his bed, his regular spots -- the tears threaten to fall. Isn't time supposed to heal it? Because as of now, time certainly isn't doing its job.

But time also kept our memories here. Time froze. His belongings, everything... they're still there.. Soon enough, those will have to leave. And everytime I step into that room, it will be empty. There won't be any trace of him. The washroom will be void of all his toothbrushes, shavers, cups, lotions, medication. It will be void of him.

It won't be like he's in China anymore. Reality will hit me hard. It'll force me to face the fact that he's really gone. He's somewhere else now, being reincarnated, living in a seperate, better world, taking some time off.

But I can't... I still can't accept it. I miss him. I miss him so much. But I have to be strong. I can't show my weakness in front of her, in front of them. They need me to stay strong, because they themselves are staying strong for me.

I need to let it out. And the day before she's coming back, I don't want to bother Ahb. Ahb is finally getting his alone time with his friends, playing, having fun.

My stomach isn't really hurting. I'm typing this instead.

I don't want to bother anyone anymore... Everyone must be tired of my crap. I've complained so much, cried so much, whined so much. It's time to shut everything off and deal with it myself. Even I'm tired of my crap.

So tired.

Everybody is tired. We all need a break. The long weekend didn't help. Breaks don't help. Everything just gets pushed further back, pushed further towards the deadline.

Is procrastination so unavoidable for me? I can't escape it this time. The deadline is here.

1PM, tomorrow. Be ready, hold your breath. I won't cry this time. I promise.

I won't cry about it anymore.

Once upon a time, a little girl was walking down the street.

She fell in love with the boy across from her.

Continuing to walk down the street, she stopped many times. How many times did she stop and stare at him? He was only across the streets,a few steps away, yet he was so far. She dropped into the dirty sewers so many times, always getting up again shortly after.

But she fell down too many times. She began to fall out of love. But did she really?

Finally she got her mind off him. Finally she could get past her school girl crush on that handsome boy. Finally she found that she really couldn't get herself to stop being in contact with him. She just simply couldn't. She was far too addicted already, but her consciousness wouldn't allow her to think that.

She didn't like him anymore and that was that.

It wasn't too long until they became close again.

Best friends was all that that they would be. Already she could feel herself getting addicted once again, but she couldn't allow herself to do that. They were at last becoming close friends, something she wouldn't have dreamed of the year before. She was finally stepping into the position of the girl she couldn't become.

Then the most amazing moment of her life happened.

They weren't best friends anymore. They were together. They were finally together.The moment she didn't think could happen had happened. She knew, she just knew, that she was the luckiest girl alive.


So now in the present, she tries her hardest, but sometimes she doesn't do her best. What she does isn't always the best choice, and it's sometimes not the most pleasing option.

She's sorry for doing the wrong things, and she's sorry for lying. She's realized that the happiest she's been is when she's with him. She can't afford to have him feel down, she can't afford for him to not be the happiest person. She wants him to be able to smile through anything, she wants him to be able to lean on her shoulder when he needs it most.

She's found that she's found happiness with him. And now she can't let it go. She won't. She can't. She will stay by his side even if he throws her away.

But he won't. She knows.

And she loves him.

And he loves her.

And the story continues.